Best Blue Corn Bread Muffins Ever

gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, soy-free, cane/refined-sugar-free

I did something bad.  I knocked a guy off of his moped.  With my car.  My big, heavy, metal machine made contact with a very breakable, very mortal human being.  He was fine.  I was fine (why wouldn’t I be? I might as well have been Iron Man suited up inside my Kia Soul).  Our respective vehicles were fine.

Now, I could open up a whole forum discussing whose fault it was, whose fault it wasn’t, blah, blah, and more blah.  I could whine and get sad all over this page like nobody’s business.  I could start one serious pity party up in here with Moped Man and myself as the guests of honor.  But if there is anything I’ve learned from my very first (and very minor, might I add) automobile accident, it is that they’re not called “accidents” for nothing.

In fact, this calls for some recognition of sorts.  You see, I’ve been inducted into the club.  The People Who Have Gotten Into Car Accidents Club.  And I’ll never be the same again.  Particularly because I’ve actually been inducted into a club within the The PWHGICAC called, The People Who Have Taken The Blame In Car Accidents Club.  That’s VIP.

Because between the apologizing and information-exchanging and rule-following that Moped Man and I were executing admirably (and as expected, awkwardly), something strange happened.  A very serious-looking person came up to Moped Man, my automotive-accident-partner-in-law, handed him a card, and said, “in case you need a witness.”

Then he looked at me like I was evil.

With that one look, he said, “I know you.  You’re the bad guy.  You’re Mickey Rourke in his wannabe Iron Man suit, not Robert Downey Jr.”  It was devastating.  I wanted to shout to every passing car and passing person at that intersection, “I have never been in a car accident before this one right now!  I pay my credit card balance on time!  I recycle things!  I hold doors open for other people!  I exude love from my every pore – for family and strangers alike!”  No use.  I’d been branded.  Well, as stated before, there shall be no self-pity… So, ’twas “branding” in the sense of getting a very cool tattoo.  Yes.  Second try:  I’d been tattooed. Okay, but not a tacky tattoo.  Third time’s a charm?  I’d received a tattoo that was neither looney tunes’ character nor naked lady, but rather something meaningful and special that conveyed who Desi is.

Whoa.  I wrote that in jest… but wait… there’s kind of some truth to it.  This whole experience was humiliating, heart-breaking, uncomfortable.  And yet… I didn’t cry (yes, it shocked me at the time, too).  I didn’t get angry.  I didn’t stop breathing.  I didn’t crumple on the ground and die.  I didn’t start singing Ophelia-style, my marbles rolling away faster than the speed of light.  In fact, I was actually really nice.  Open.  Loving, even.  Aching to somehow make a connection to Moped Man through all the thorny, sticky discomfort of our meeting’s circumstances.

There’s an old Buddhist proverb that I love: “How you do anything is how you do everything.”  That one word, that “anything,” includes the hardest, toughest, most painful tasks, too.  I think it’s actually a comfort to see yourself in those situations.  They’re never the ones you put yourself in intentionally.  They’re accidents.  They’re accidental affirmations of Who You Really Are.

Best Blue Corn Bread Muffins Ever

adapted from yogaisyummy.com

Here’s an affirmation that’s not on accident at all. This really is the best corn bread I’ve ever had.  It has the perfect amount of sweetness, the texture is to die for, and the ingredient list is short.  I made muffins this time, but I’ve also used a loaf pan and an 8″x8″ pyrex before.  All are wonderful!  That’s why I went with calling them “Bread Muffins” – don’t make me choose!

2 cups blue corn meal

1 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1/3 cup raw honey

1/3 cup applesauce

2 cups unsweetened almond milk (or milk of choice to make nut-free)

1/3 cup chopped green chilies or banana peppers

1) Preheat oven to 350˚

2) Mix all dry ingredients: corn meal, salt, baking soda, baking powder.

3) Mix honey, applesauce, unsweetened almond milk in separate bowl.

4) Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix well.

5) Stir in chopped green chilies

6) Pour into 12-cup muffin pan, loaf pan, or 8″x8″ pyrex or a pie plate.  For muffins, bake 20-24 minutes.  For pyrex or pie plate, bake 45-50 minutes.  For loaf pan, bake about 60 minutes.

7) Let cool at least 10 minutes before slicing… But if you made muffins, stuff one in your mouth the minute it comes out of the oven like I might have done….


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16 Comments

Filed under Breads/Muffins

16 responses to “Best Blue Corn Bread Muffins Ever

  1. Oh, Desi, you make me cry and laugh for you! Accidents are indeed accidents and they make you feel so badly, especially when there’s a personal injury lawyer lurking. I had something similar happen to me once, too. Person was fine until her boyfriend showed up and whispered in her ear. Next thing I knew she had to go to the hospital and my insurance company ending up making a settlement of some kind. Ugh. Hope your situation turns out okay. Will be thinking of you. Anyway, great thoughts on the matter of being yourself and if the end result is these bread muffins then that’s a really good thing, dear. These look terrific!

    xoxo,
    Shirley

    • You’re so sweet, Shirley! Haha, I’m glad I made you both cry and laugh in one post! Thank you for your thoughts and your sympathy – I appreciate it! :)

  2. I am going to make these for my kids! One day when I have loottss of time. I’m an old hand at betty crocker brownies from the box in under three. and Tollhouse from the tub in under 2. Amazing how much baking is actually in the job description of a teacher.
    But the REAL challenge is to bake (relatively) healthy things that they like. I cringe when they come to class having polished off a bag of fritos or doritos and their soda and then I have to “reward” them with something else void of nutrition.
    Your blog is so much fun and uniquely you. I miss you and hope you are well.

    • Melissa! You have NO IDEA how happy, touched, nourished I was to see a comment from you! Best. Surprise. Ever. Yeah, these muffins will kick all that junk food to the curb and they’re yummy too. Spread with a little butter (or in my case, Earth Balance)? To die for. :o) Are you still in DC? I’d love to set up a skype date one of these days and catch up! I miss you too. Sending you lots of love and good energy…

  3. MUFFIN!!! You made MUFFINS!!!

    That’s all. Proceed.

  4. spoonfulofsugarfree

    These look so good :) I love that blue hue :)

  5. Lana

    This looks delish!! Somehow, I can’t eat sweet and savory together. I’m thinking of making these savory by ditching the honey altogether, and replacing the applesauce with plain yogurt. Hope it works.

    Thanks

  6. Allyson

    This is the best cornbread recipe! My kids and super-picky hubby all love it (did leave out the peppers though). Thank you!

  7. Priya

    Are you sure about liquid quantities? I ended up with a very watery batter.

    • Hi Priya! Yes, I am sure. It should be a thin batter like cake batter. Not thick at all. Did you use raw honey? Using a different type of honey could make it more watery than it needs to be… When you actually baked it, did it not cook through or something?

      • lin

        i’m having the same problem. A big liquid mess. Is the batter supposed to look like soup?

      • Hi Lin! Yes, the batter should be very thin and liquidy. When you baked it, did it remain liquid? Make sure you used raw honey. Do you live at an altitude perchance?

  8. lin

    It turned out great! Next time I won’t panic pre-cook.
    Great recipe, thank you!

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