I did something bad. I knocked a guy off of his moped. With my car. My big, heavy, metal machine made contact with a very breakable, very mortal human being. He was fine. I was fine (why wouldn’t I be? I might as well have been Iron Man suited up inside my Kia Soul). Our respective vehicles were fine.
Now, I could open up a whole forum discussing whose fault it was, whose fault it wasn’t, blah, blah, and more blah. I could whine and get sad all over this page like nobody’s business. I could start one serious pity party up in here with Moped Man and myself as the guests of honor. But if there is anything I’ve learned from my very first (and very minor, might I add) automobile accident, it is that they’re not called “accidents” for nothing.
In fact, this calls for some recognition of sorts. You see, I’ve been inducted into the club. The People Who Have Gotten Into Car Accidents Club. And I’ll never be the same again. Particularly because I’ve actually been inducted into a club within the The PWHGICAC called, The People Who Have Taken The Blame In Car Accidents Club. That’s VIP.
Because between the apologizing and information-exchanging and rule-following that Moped Man and I were executing admirably (and as expected, awkwardly), something strange happened. A very serious-looking person came up to Moped Man, my automotive-accident-partner-in-law, handed him a card, and said, “in case you need a witness.”
Then he looked at me like I was evil.
With that one look, he said, “I know you. You’re the bad guy. You’re Mickey Rourke in his wannabe Iron Man suit, not Robert Downey Jr.” It was devastating. I wanted to shout to every passing car and passing person at that intersection, “I have never been in a car accident before this one right now! I pay my credit card balance on time! I recycle things! I hold doors open for other people! I exude love from my every pore – for family and strangers alike!” No use. I’d been branded. Well, as stated before, there shall be no self-pity… So, ’twas “branding” in the sense of getting a very cool tattoo. Yes. Second try: I’d been tattooed. Okay, but not a tacky tattoo. Third time’s a charm? I’d received a tattoo that was neither looney tunes’ character nor naked lady, but rather something meaningful and special that conveyed who Desi is.
Whoa. I wrote that in jest… but wait… there’s kind of some truth to it. This whole experience was humiliating, heart-breaking, uncomfortable. And yet… I didn’t cry (yes, it shocked me at the time, too). I didn’t get angry. I didn’t stop breathing. I didn’t crumple on the ground and die. I didn’t start singing Ophelia-style, my marbles rolling away faster than the speed of light. In fact, I was actually really nice. Open. Loving, even. Aching to somehow make a connection to Moped Man through all the thorny, sticky discomfort of our meeting’s circumstances.
There’s an old Buddhist proverb that I love: “How you do anything is how you do everything.” That one word, that “anything,” includes the hardest, toughest, most painful tasks, too. I think it’s actually a comfort to see yourself in those situations. They’re never the ones you put yourself in intentionally. They’re accidents. They’re accidental affirmations of Who You Really Are.
Best Blue Corn Bread Muffins Ever
adapted from yogaisyummy.com
Here’s an affirmation that’s not on accident at all. This really is the best corn bread I’ve ever had. It has the perfect amount of sweetness, the texture is to die for, and the ingredient list is short. I made muffins this time, but I’ve also used a loaf pan and an 8″x8″ pyrex before. All are wonderful! That’s why I went with calling them “Bread Muffins” – don’t make me choose!
2 cups blue corn meal
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup raw honey
1/3 cup applesauce
2 cups unsweetened almond milk (or milk of choice to make nut-free)
1/3 cup chopped green chilies or banana peppers
1) Preheat oven to 350˚
2) Mix all dry ingredients: corn meal, salt, baking soda, baking powder.
3) Mix honey, applesauce, unsweetened almond milk in separate bowl.
4) Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix well.
5) Stir in chopped green chilies
6) Pour into 12-cup muffin pan, loaf pan, or 8″x8″ pyrex or a pie plate. For muffins, bake 20-24 minutes. For pyrex or pie plate, bake 45-50 minutes. For loaf pan, bake about 60 minutes.
7) Let cool at least 10 minutes before slicing… But if you made muffins, stuff one in your mouth the minute it comes out of the oven like I might have done….