Control. Exerting control over one’s life does not seem at all similar to exerting control over, say, a bike. It is not as simple as pedaling to go forward, breaking to stop, pulling the handle bars one way or the other to turn right or left.
I never consciously think “I feel as though I am not in control of my life,” but my actions, my behavior, my habits certainly illustrate otherwise. With the obsessive compulsive way in which I take charge on self-created projects, you might easily draw the conclusion that I must be making up for lack of “charge” in some other way. Whether I’m alphabetizing my recipe box or house-cleaning with a zeal and rhythm comparable to that of Mozart’s Queen of the Night, my “OC” (as Scott affectionately calls it) makes frequent visits. But when does my OC set up camp and start making s’mores? When it exhausts itself over my own health.
I am worthy of ridicule when it comes to a) keeping myself in good health and b) bettering my already-good-health. Don’t get me wrong – I completely believe every human being is his or her own best doctor. I believe good health begins in one’s own hands, paying attention to simple human needs like diet, sleep, and stress levels. In my book, the best medicine is preventative medicine. In other words: no medicine at all. My problem is that my OC takes it to a whole new level. A level that is probably, ultimately undoing all the good-health-making I’m doing. A level so vastly imaginative, it is a kingdom that deserves its own name: The World of Worry. Or Worry World.
Currently, my WW to-do list involves the following:
1) Improving my terrible vision naturally using the Rebuild Your Vision program
2) Ridding myself of the Candida overgrowth I’ve convinced myself I have with the help of Candex and an unfortunately strict anti-candida diet
3) Alkalizing my system by eating more raw foods
4) Balancing my hormones naturally with… what I like to call in a low/Barry White/man voice….my Lady Oils
The more I take control of improving my physical self, the tighter my OC grasps. I love learning about holistic health, but when a mere love of learning crosses over into anxiety over whether or not I’m doing this or that correctly, well, I think that means I’ve begun digging my grave in Worry World.
And here’s how it starts: One internet doctor states one theory so eloquently that it MUST be truth, another internet doctor explains a very convincing opposing point with twelve-letter words straight out of Einstein’s vocabulary, and then there are always the violently (sometimes offensively) passionate internet users who THINK they are doctors, let alone internet doctors.
To whom do I listen?! My brain is allergic to science, people. I can’t tell if the terminology and biological processes on which they’re each pontificating are actually REAL. Who do you think I am? Come ON. And yes, maybe you are correct in thinking my OC coincides with some hypochondriac tendencies as well… This does not help the situation.
So what is it exactly that I feel I have no control over? What can I change that I’m not already changing? It wasn’t until this week that I realized I need to change nothing that I’m actually trying to change. Not the quaint candida colony living in my gut. Not how well I see things beyond 2 feet in front of my face.
I need to change my thoughts.
The thoughts that are pure worry. 100% anxiety. And the worst: negativity. Those are the thoughts I’ve been choosing. But that is the beauty of thinking; Despite what it may sometimes feel like, I control my own mind, don’t I? I should be able to choose what I think about. I should be able to choose how I think. And once I have control over that, there’s no telling what other parts of my life will turn to play-doh in my palm.
What if controlling my life is as easy as controlling a bike?
I’m choosing it to be.
So allow me to give to you my two cents for the day. When you are feeling like a fish in the Red Sea instead of Moses parting it, rather than stressing over how the ocean is moving you, hand-pick the thoughts you think, the words you tell yourself. Don’t react; Act.
1 1⁄2 cups organic, hulled millet
1 can coconut milk (regular or light)
2 cups water
2 Tbsp dried, unsweetened coconut
1⁄2 tsp celtic sea salt
1) Add rinsed and drained millet to pot along with coconut milk and water.
2) Bring to a boil and add dried coconut and salt.
3) Reduce heat and cover pot, allowing the millet to simmer until all the liquid has been absorbed – about 20-25 minutes.
4) Remove from heat and enjoy as a snack or as a side dish with some Detox Dal for example!
Makes 3 – 3 1/2 cups cooked millet